


something

by ssyou



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Canon, Fluff, M/M, OT7, changki, past and present tense, slight angst, slight innuendo, slight no mercy flashback, snippets here and there, yooki is soft and whipped, yooki loves changkyun we been knew
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-27
Updated: 2019-01-27
Packaged: 2019-10-17 16:30:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,425
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17564024
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ssyou/pseuds/ssyou
Summary: Affection turns into something Kihyun doesn’t want to name yet, and that something turns into urge he can’t hold.Kihyun should’ve realized it before. Once he opened up his heart there was no going back.





	something

The thing is, Kihyun should’ve realized it way before. Like exactly four years ago, barely few hours after they met each other, that Changkyun’s presence among them was an anomaly in every sense he and the other members loathed. The boy didn’t fit in, they never wanted him to fit in. No talent or contribution was enough to make him _be there_ , inside their apartment, standing near the shoe sack with pitiful eyes and pitiful face and Kihyun should hated him.

He did. He hated the kid and the situation they were in. If his mom hadn’t taught him not to let the anger get the better of his self, Kihyun would’ve probably gone straight to his room and made sure his shoulder or any part of his clothes didn’t brush the younger. Instead he closed his eyes, let the empathy part of him that he had been buried during the competition surfaced a little bit, let the new trainee’s tense shoulder and downturn lips and sad, sad eyes sink into his conscience.

_Your parents wanted you to be a decent man._

So he got up, intentionally not looking at the new trainee’s direction, and did a thing his family would’ve been proud of.

“Go and join the others.”

Short sentence with an even tone, the empathy part eventually closed up right after he said those words. Or, did it?

 

-

 

“He cried you know,”

“Who?” Kihyun replayed their song for the next mission in his mind, passing the rapper’s calm and careful saying nonchalantly because who didn’t cry in this time, honestly. He hummed random melody as he leaned his back against the wall, sitting with his knees bent, fingers playing with a pen and a white piece of paper he should really be writing some lyrics on it by now.

“I.M,”

“Oh,”

Jooheon stared at the floor in deep thought. His cupid lips thinned, slit eyes hidden by the fedora hat he insisted to wear indoor instead of his usual dark beanie. Despite the familiar room and familiar person, the aura was still as tense as ever but Kihyun strangely had gotten used to it.

“We have to tolerate him a little, for our team’s sake,” the tap tap beat the younger played on the floor merged with white noise from the hum of air conditioning, lulled Kihyun’s focus, and dispersed notes he had on the tip of his tongue. Wasn’t a big deal. It was not good enough melody anyway.

“I know, Jooheon,” he whispered low. “We all need to.”

Tolerate.

They just needed to tolerate the new guy.

-

 

Kihyun should’ve realized it before. Once he opened up his heart there was no going back. It has been four years and counting, that he spends all of his times with Im Changkyun.

And that pitiful figure has turned into an insanely strong foundation, a solid ground to the members’ earthquake minds, someone they rely on a lot of times and one whose talent and perseverance are among the one percenter.

 

-

 

“Hyung, what are you doing?”

The stroking on his head stopped, making Changkyun pouted and purposely let out a whiny sound no members could ever say no to. Kihyun just chuckled then continued caressing the sick boy’s hair, softly kneading the boy’s head on his lap to lessen the throbbing pain the younger must be feeling because of his flu.

“I’m studying,”

The older could see how hard it was for Changkyun to keep his eyes open, let alone sit up and take a look at what he had been reading on his phone. There was a ticklish touch on his thigh as Changkyun’s fingers played with the fabric of his pants.

“What are you studying?” the youngest snuffled, breathed a little heavier and Kihyun flinched internally.

“English, maknae,” instead he grinned, not letting the kid knew he was almost dying inside.

“Oh,”

Kihyun stopped his caressing, then put his palm on Changkyun’s forehead. The boy admitted defeat to keep his eyes open and finally closed them, taking relief in the slight coolness Kihyun’s hand granted to his burning body. If Kihyun did it internally before, he didn’t hide his wince this time, noting the fever hadn’t lessened and prayed to God if He could transfer some of them to the older instead. He wanted to make Changkyun feel better, but they were in some hotel in USA, far away from dorm and their kitchen and their refrigerator. There was no ginger-chicken soup he could make for Changkyun. Cuddling him was all he was able to do.

“Why?” Changkyun asked again amidst his haze.

The older smiled, a genuine one he saved for those close to his heart.

“So I can help you in the interviews.”

“Oh,”

The sight that greeted him when Kihyun looked down from his phone was one he rarely saw lately. The youngest was getting redder, if that was possible. His eyes blinked softly and stared back at Kihyun all watery.

“Head still aching?”

A lone hot tear seeped out from the corner of Changkyun’s eyes, his eyebrows creased in pain and the smile he tried to give to Kihyun looked more like a grimace.

“Thank you, hyung,” he uttered softly, voice hoarse it physically pained Kihyun to hear it. “Your English is good already, soon maybe better than me,”

Kihyun grinned. He wiped the tear marks on the younger’s temple with his finger, an amused sigh escaped from his lips.

“Sleep, Changkyun.”

 

-

 

Empathy turns into toleration, which turns into affection, which turns into-

 

“…love…”

“What, Hoseok-hyung?”

Their resident big bad boy who was the softest caramel pudding at heart leaned on their sofa in the living room, mouth hiding under a fluffy pillow he hugged with his beefy arms. The mumble words got Changkyun who sat beside him switched his position to face the older.

“I _love_ Monbebe so much,” Hoseok murmured clearly this time, at 3 AM when none of the members felt tired nor sleepy, hours after the main highlight of their day, no, _career_ , happened. Kihyun nodded softly, body lying on the carpeted floor, elbows supported his weight while he surfed and surfed the social media platforms where Monbebe and the industry reacted to their first public broadcast win. The rush feeling of _too much_ , the hardwork, _our_ _hardwork_ , adrenaline had subsided, leaving a melancholy feeling like he just watched somebody else’s life.

There was a rustling sound as the main vocal watched their youngest member scooted closer to Hoseok, his soft light brown bang covered his forehead and went down right above his eyelids. On the stage the kid’s hair was styled like a rude man, bare temples and all. Now he appeared like a boy he was, with the oversized grey hoodie smothered up his body, one of his lithe wrists peeking out above the lifted up sleeve.

Kihyun gulped.

“Aww, hyung you’re crying again?” From the corner of his eyes he could see Hyunwoo smile and Hyungwon sigh, although the latter bit his bottom lip and it seemed Hoseok wasn’t the only one who was being a crybaby tonight.

Changkyun put his arm around Hoseok’s and placed his chin on the older’s shoulder. His forehead touched Hoseok’s temple as he whispered low near his ear. “Stop crying, hyung,” the youngest tapped the bigger guy’s forearm in even beat, lips parted and the corners turned upward, making him wonder whether Hoseok’s skin could feel that smile forming.

“I love Monbebe too,” Jooheon voiced out loud what they had been feeling for the second time, leaning his side against Minhyuk who, like Kihyun, was busy scrolling on his phone with the gentlest smile on his face.

Hoseok's soft sobbing had subsided and Kihyun could hear him inhale and exhale concurrent with Changkyun’s even tap. It seemed like Changkyun was the most sober and clear minded among them, eventhough he cried as hard as the other members too. Trust the youngest to take care of the hyungs, trust him to know how to handle each one of Monsta X members.

The clench in Kihyun’s heart tightened, affection overflowing from the cup and pouring over his entire soul and he wanted to give, give, give, but instead it was the other who did it better. Changkyun didn’t know how to take, he only knew how to give. For him, it was always the hyungs first before himself.

“I love our members. I love you too, hyung.”

 

-

 

Affection turns into something Kihyun doesn’t want to name yet, and that something turns into _urge_ he can’t hold.

The fact that Changkyun was the youngest in their group sometimes shaded their view from how he actually looked from others’ perspective. Kihyun knew, saw it by himself, that Changkyun didn’t only have a cute side of him which he often showed to the members and the fans. The other side of Changkyun talked deeper, both words and voice. He spread alpha pheromones wherever he went, awkwardness buried under quiet and mysterious persona that many people, as if hypnotized, longed to unravel and become that one special person who was allowed to get close and touch his bare, naked core.

Im Changkyun emitted dominancy on stage, making audiences focus on him without him asking for it. And Kihyun wanted to _conquer_.

This urge to have the younger around his fingers, _his_ to take control until his body burned and mind went crazy. _His_ to cherish and please until what Changkyun felt was overwhelming warmth bundled in joy and Kihyun’s _something_ feeling.

 _His_ to make happy.

And how strange it was, the need to crush Changkyun, when the very man was now soft and pliant and so, so vulnerable lying beside Kihyun like this.

“Heosok-hyung and Hyungwon-hyung hogged my bed,” he whined. His head was resting on Kihyun’s other pillow, daringly moaned his discomfort while he was the one who hogged Kihyun’s blanket.

The image of the new trainee who grew into a solid rapper that got his own solo stage in big award show faded to background, leaving a simple and ordinary Changkyun who was buried under the mass of black hoodie, warm and mushy.

He was so, so _reachable_.

“I wanted to sleep. They were being so loud,” he groaned again, pleading with his eyes that Kihyun wouldn’t kick him out of the bed. As if.

“And that’s why you chose mine,”

“Yours is the most comfy,”

Kihyun raised his eyebrows but didn’t ask any question. The sight of the younger in his bed, light brown hair a mess, face bare and soft and there was pillow mark on his cheek was not an unwelcoming one, but dangerous nonetheless, even moreso when Kihyun only wore shirt and boxer underneath.

“Okay, okay,”

The grin that he received in reply made him laugh automatically.

“You cheeky bastard,”

It got wider, now added with a smirk. “You love me though,” the younger proceeded to put his arm around Kihyun’s torso, and stopped when his hand reached his stomach.

“Whoa,”

The older froze like a bucket of ice flushed his entire naked skin in the winter, which soon turned into burning, fiery flares that burned his conscience and rational mind until what he knew was Changkyun’s hand on his stomach, _Changkyun’s hand was on his stomach, gripping_.

“Your abs feel good,”

He grimaced, holding Changkyun’s wrist as soft as he could, afraid he would break it.

“It tickles,”

Changkyun hmmed, then stared at Kihyun’s darkened eyes with calculating look.

“Is it really okay if I don’t want to work out?”

The grip on the younger’s wrist didn’t let loose, so did the hot skin that touch his abs only separated by thin clothes.

“They always say we are the group with good bodies. But I don’t have that,” Changkyun told him with even tone, a slight worry hinted in his voice.

Kihyun gulped.

“It’s okay,” his pupils slowly undilated, mind going back to normal eventhough it was still a work in progress.

Changkyun’s hand didn’t move.

“Monbebe love us unconditionally. They wouldn’t have you any other way,”

The younger hmmed again, and it was all quiet until he stroked his thumb on Kihyun’s tense stomach. The sharp intake of breath couldn’t possibly go amiss. From the way Changkyun stared at him, stripping Kihyun’s soul naked and pierce through his wall like a rebel he was, he knew something was about to happen.

And he was friggin right.

“How about you? Would you have me?”

“Dammit, Changkyun,”

Kihyun sat up in hurry, breaking whatever connection they had made the last few seconds and wiped both his hands on his face, putting the forefingers in between his eyebrows as if it physically pained him having Changkyun did what he just did.

“I saw the way you looked at me, hyung,” Changkyun sat up too, facing the older with those glare and silence in his eyes. “The way you always look at me,” he moved his hand again, long, long fingers grazing Kihyun’s very naked thigh, leaving scorching heat on its trail and all over his body.

“Stop it,”

“No,”

“Please stop it,”

“No,”

“Im Changkyun,”

It was a futile attempt, him showing his anger by gripping the younger’s wrist hard because Changkyun saw through it all, saw through Kihyun’s resolve crumbling like glasses falling on marble floor.

“Come on, hyung,” the younger used his free hand to put their foreheads together, exhilaration shown in his eyes when the older didn’t dodge. Changkyun took that slight chance to lean forward and kiss him.

And Kihyun lost it.

 

-

 

The next time sobriety hits him, it was when sunlight made itself known through his shiny curtains and the feel of soft, even huffs of breathes on his neck. Some strand of Changkyun’s fluffy light brown hair got caught on Kihyun’s lips, bangs parted showing a small view of his bare forehead. Also, it was a hard angle but Kihyun could see flutters of eyelashes, short and black and so very Changkyun it made Kihyun’s stomach sink.

 _Goddammit_.

The memories of last night came flooding back. And instead of get up and run, Kihyun’s instinct told him to stay still because it was Im Changkyun his fellow member of Monsta X. He’d handle this professionally, like a decent man.

Like a decent hyung.

(Eventhough there was nothing decent in what he did to Changkyun last night, in what _they both_ did).

Changkyun was sleeping like a guy who had nothing to lose, a contrast to what was really happening in real life right now. It made Kihyun stop and contemplate. What was next, what were they gonna do?

What did Changkyun want?

“You think too much, hyung,”

Kihyun blinked. The subject of his dream had woken up, circling his waist and moving his body on top of him as if he was afraid Kihyun would run. His puffy eyes stared at Kihyun, clear and sober.

“I don’t regret last night,”

The sigh that let out from his lips made Changkyun tighten his grip on Kihyun’s body, like if he couldn’t make Kihyun stay with his words then he as well made it with his physic.

In other situation Kihyun would laugh. Their figure size was about the same but he was sure he was stronger than the kid, all the work out should made him so.

The silence that ensued signalled Changkyun that the older was thinking, hard, and little did he know that it was never about Kihyun. The main vocal knew what he wanted for himself, for his future, for _next_.

He would take what he could get, even if it meant there was a possible pain in the near future.

But it was _Changkyun_ , one Kihyun lost his mind about, one that attracted him without his knowing since the very start, a whole presence he always needed to protect and give _something_ to.

Kihyun’s job was to give, even when Changkyun did it better than him.

“Me too,” so he whispered, right above Changkyun’s lips he could so easily reach if he moved for a few inches.

Instead Kihyun moved up and kissed the kid’s forehead, making his ears red and cheeks burn like that time he got a flu.

“Oh, okay,”

The kid didn’t seem to get it though, his brain probably took it slower than his body did.

So Kihyun laughed. “Stupid,”

Few seconds gap, and then Changkyun laughed too. A relieved one, if Kihyun dared to guess.

It was his responsibility to make Changkyun happy. Im Changkyun first, before himself. As he hugged Changkyun and patted his back, kissing the juncture of the younger’s neck while sunlight warming their morning, Kihyun let himself got lost in the dreamy feeling.

_Let’s just cross the bridge when we come to it._

-

 

The urge doesn’t turn to anything. It mingles with that _something,_ creating a swirl of thunderstorm in every beat of his heart and honestly, Kihyun is fine with it.

He’s fine with Changkyun writhing underneath him, biting his lip and refusing to let out a sound, then relents after when Kihyun gets inside him. He’s fine with Changkyun conquering the big stage, enticing every presence in the stadium and let them see freely but not have. He’s fine with secret pecks they steal when the members not looking, especially Changkyun’s pout when Kihyun feeling naughty and kisses his forehead instead of lips.

The kid loves it anyway. Red ears don’t lie.

There is no l-word involved, not with Kihyun’s intention to just give and take what Changkyun can give him.

It’s been four years and counting. They still have time for Changkyun to figure out what he wants, and for Kihyun to erase every bit of guilt he has from their first meeting.

“Hey, happy birthday,” it is the first thing Kihyun says when he feels the bed dip, still awake because he just gets home from practice and Changkyun from working in his studio.

The later grins like a Cheshire cat, engulfing Kihyun in his warmth and presence inside his room, his dream, his life.

“Thank you,” he takes Kihyun’s fingers in his, playing with them as if he hasn’t memorized it already.

“I love Monbebe so much,” he looks at Kihyun with his sleepy but alive eyes. The older just smiles.

“Why so sudden?” the way Kihyun chuckles seems to pain Changkyun, fingers gripping the olders way more tight than before.

“Monbebe love, the kind of love you can’t express enough,” he proceeds to kiss Kihyun’s hand, and bits the skin on the inside of Kihyun’s wrist.

The younger’s ears are getting red. It’s funny and cute. Kihyun’s heart is bursting with the warmth he doesn’t know where it comes from and he takes a deep breath, lips touching Changkyun’s bang covered forehead and moves lower, to his nose, under his eyes, his lips, his jaws.

Kihyun chuckles, and stares back at Changkyun’s avoiding eyes until he doesn’t dodge anymore.

“Yeah, I know that feeling.”

 

-

 

Hyunwoo is the first to know, then Jooheon, then drama ensues because the later is feeling betrayed and sulks for a whole week. And after that Minhyuk and Hyungwon find Kihyun and Changkyun in questionable position, so questionable that Kihyun understands why they need ten days to recover from the freak out. Hoseok is the last one to know, when he bits Changkyun’s cheek and gets a kick in return from Kihyun’s short but strong feet.

Kihyun doesn’t know how worried he was after all the members find out and no judgement nor troubles emerge. He gets a shovel talk from all of them, with Hyunwoo hugs him for five minutes straight and make him promise to put the band’s priority at the top. Duh.

It’s Sunday morning. Hyungwon steals Changkyun’s coffee when the youngest is busy looking at Kihyun’s figure basking in sunlight creating a halo above his head. Jooheon is coming out from the bathroom freshly showered and asks Kihyun if the breakfast is ready yet. Hyunwoo and Hoseok, for a reason Kihyun doesn’t want to know, are having arm wrestling match on the table in the living room and caught attention of the other members as they gather and, for God’s sake, video-taping it. Changkyun claps his hands everytime either Hyunwoo and Hoseok seems near to win, once in a while takes a glance at Kihyun who watches the scene from the kitchen.

Kihyun’s heart clenches, again, and laughs amusedly, feeling sappy in the best kind of way.

He loves Monsta X, he loves his members, he loves Monbebe, and he loves Im Ch-

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> my first monsta x fic, i'm scared. also a belated birthday changkyun fic orz.  
> hmu at twitter @ sinceresoundyou if you want to hear rant about monsta x and starship's little prince sewoon.


End file.
